I Have Cancer – And It’s Okay

It’s crazy how you can go from feeling relieved one day to totally blindsided the next, but here I am. The pathology results from my last procedure came back and they found cancer. Things are still unclear, but so far I’ve been told that this is the best possible scenario, all things considered.

There’s a lot of uncertainty about what lies ahead and how I’m going to navigate it all, but there are a few things that I am already sure of. I’m going to be okay, no matter what happens. To be honest, I don’t know any other way to be. I’m also going to make a lot of jokes about along the way, mostly because I make jokes about everything, but also because it’s a way for me to flip the power dynamic. Cancer doesn’t seem so scary when it’s something you laugh at, especially in 140 characters.

I’ve only known for 24 hours and I can already feel myself becoming more attached to my style as a sort of emotional life raft. It’s one of the few areas where I can maintain control and I’m convinced that there isn’t anything that can’t be made better with a bit of lipstick. Even last night, when I could have been Googling myself into paranoia, I was escaping scary pathology terms with 90s choker searches on Pinterest. This also means that I’ll be writing about seemingly trivial things during a very serious time in my life, but those things will mean a lot to me and those posts will be coming from a protected sacred space. There will be many beautiful Instagrams, but they will rarely tell the whole story.

Not to get all YOLO on you, but life can always get more confusing and complex. You’re never going to have enough money. You’re never going to have enough time. You can appreciate what you have, right now, and the people who support you. I don’t know much, but I do know that it’s going to be okay. And honestly? That’s enough.